She is, beautiful, inspiring, nurturing, intelligent, funny, empathetic, sexy, brave, smart, bossy, submissive, learner, teacher, quiet, loud, big, small, tall short, slender, curvaceous,

And she is important.

Last week I was waiting to get in to see the doctor. You see in my heart I am still that good girl, not wanting to bother others about my importance. I thought that surely there’s a reason it’s taking so long, that given time they will get to me, next. Finally at 40 minutes of waiting I asked and the receptionist said oh yes, she’s busy today. I went and waited until it ticked over to one hour and ten minutes, then tearfully requested a new appointment for the following week. I was not crying because I was hormonal or had my period, I was frustrated and felt invisible on that day.

I fear that women have become apologetic feminists. Too often I hear other women when putting forth a plea, qualify themselves by saying “I’m not a feminist but..” Are all women raised to wait, to take up less room, use calm voices? They don’t want to be called, strident, harsh, bitchy, bossy or radical; because if we do flex our under-practiced need for equality and vocal muscles we are in danger of being called these things.

The following Sunday of the same weekend as the doctor debacle I had another moment of invisibility,

” Surely not!” I hear you say dear reader but yes. I looked into the cashier’s eyes when requesting a change in my billing along with a recognition that my name had changed and I saw nothing reflected back, no warmth or validation. What happened to the sisterhood?

What did she see dear reader? Possibly a 47-year-old having an embarrassing melt-down in her shop, that cashier was maybe 23? She needed this female customer gone, needed calm, needed order, needed to look in control, didn’t have life experience to help,

“40 is old dude and why is she so bitter?”

When I married I had lovely ideals about all of us having the same name, had I known how much of me was lost in taking my husband’s surname and then how hard it is to recover and how often I now have to prove who I am, then I would advise don’t let it go!

I asked for my billing name to be changed, I had a current bill that had my former married name on it, but she said she couldn’t change it without proof! I needed some old id with my photo and old name; which I didn’t have with me.

She reverted to,” I cannot legally change this account without that.”

The company was still accepting money out of my account regardless of the name attached! I was steaming by then, leaving with her helpfully raising her voice for the other customers queued behind

“Have a nice day!”

Talking about feminism my son, said, “There are really radical one’s Mum”

So is there a wrong kind of feminist?

The Oxford Dictionary definition says it is:

The advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.

I am not asking to take up more space than a male, I am asking for the same rights.

I am not strident, harsh bitchy, bossy or radical. I am a human, a good girl learning to flex her muscles.